Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
