I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
