If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We need to get me chipped asap
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
