weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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