I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
