I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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