i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
