Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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