i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
