Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
