my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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