they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
