ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
