I didn't shave. On purpose
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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