A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The beer is more important than you right now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
