i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
