Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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