Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
false alarm, still single
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
