Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
