She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
