I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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