the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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