Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
