How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So squirting runs in the family.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
