I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
