a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
