dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
