I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
