I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
