Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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