There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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