My liver just broke up with me...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
