just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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