Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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