one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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