the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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