Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
