White coat. Heels.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
