She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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