guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm like, not good at living.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
