Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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