We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
