Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
