its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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