i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
