can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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