you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
