I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
