I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
