Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
