I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i came on her dog
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Boobs are out for the taking
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
