And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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