Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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